askyermom

In thinking about opening up another ask me anything discussion, there’s really only one problem.

∑

It’s not that I shy away from any questions or even a class of questions. I have a few answers that were pretty personal and difficult that I’m going to publish eventually, but I answer them all.

Even when it’s not fun, it’s still incredibly satisfying to cook up a bite-sized answer with sprinkles of love.

I don’t mind the random troll wandering by, that’s the internet, after all. I have been that random troll before, so I’m sure I have it coming, karma-wise.

The really uncomfortable part for me was the couple of people who felt the need to flatter me as a “great mom.” They do not know me, for one thing, so it’s really only empty flattery. But still it bothers me to have people call me or any other regular mom a “great mom.”

This isn’t modesty–I really am “mostly adequate” as a mother and certainly not “great.” I think that “great” is an adjective that should be reserved for moms in extremely demanding circumstances that manage to keep on momming along in spite of disabilities or freaking famine, for instance.

My kids have been healthy and relatively easy on me (so far). I may still have a karma-kid in the making, but up to now, thank goodness, greatness has not been required of me.

Moms who keep on momming when one of their children is gravely ill for years are great moms. Dads who can grieve and keep on parenting their little folks through their grief, like my now-husband did, are great dads.

It’s a shame that there’s so much pressure on parents to be great–or even to just not screw up. We all make mistakes and have to hope that our mistakes aren’t going to permanently scar or hobble our kids.

Parents who are hell-bent on greatness can do a lot of harm and parents who are relentlessly pursuing the appearance of greatness can do some real evil.

Kids don’t usually understand that moments of greatness are sometimes just that. No one is a great parent all the time.

I’d like to extend a ordinary thank-you to all the other mostly adequate moms.

Okay is okay, okay? The kids will be fine.

Hooray for adequacy!!