Not a great mom – a personal, skippable post

5 comments
grown kids, old kids, teen kids

In thinking about opening up another ask me anything discussion, there’s really only one problem.

It’s not that I shy away from any questions or even a class of questions. I have a few answers that were pretty personal and difficult that I’m going to publish eventually, but I answer them all.

Even when it’s not fun, it’s still incredibly satisfying to cook up a bite-sized answer with sprinkles of love.

coleburmester on flickr

coleburmester on flickr

I don’t mind the random troll wandering by, that’s the internet, after all. I have been that random troll before, so I’m sure I have it coming, karma-wise.

The really uncomfortable part for me was the couple of people who felt the need to flatter me as a “great mom.” They do not know me, for one thing, so it’s really only empty flattery. But still it bothers me to have people call me or any other regular mom a “great mom.”

This isn’t modesty–I really am “mostly adequate” as a mother and certainly not “great.” I think that “great” is an adjective that should be reserved for moms in extremely demanding circumstances that manage to keep on momming along in spite of disabilities or freaking famine, for instance.

My kids have been healthy and relatively easy on me (so far). I may still have a karma-kid in the making, but up to now, thank goodness, greatness has not been required of me.

Moms who keep on momming when one of their children is gravely ill for years are great moms. Dads who can grieve and keep on parenting their little folks through their grief, like my now-husband did, are great dads.

It’s a shame that there’s so much pressure on parents to be great–or even to just not screw up. We all make mistakes and have to hope that our mistakes aren’t going to permanently scar or hobble our kids.

Parents who are hell-bent on greatness can do a lot of harm and parents who are relentlessly pursuing the appearance of greatness can do some real evil.

Kids don’t usually understand that moments of greatness are sometimes just that. No one is a great parent all the time.

I’d like to extend a ordinary thank-you to all the other mostly adequate moms.

Okay is okay, okay? The kids will be fine.

Hooray for adequacy!!

5 thoughts on “Not a great mom – a personal, skippable post”

  1. gpeattie2014 says:

    I’d be pretty happy if when mine make it too adulthood and I can look back and think I was mostly adequate. I’m not going for mum though, way too complex.

    Did you do a question on dealing with Veganism yet? Is it contagious, should I isolate her?

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are reading my brains!! I have one in the hopper about food politics.
      You have two kids, right? You can figure at least one of them will make it relatively unscathed since the other one distracted everyone. That’s my guess, anyway!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • gpeattie2014 says:

        Yep two of them. The veganism started out as a mild dose of vegetarianism which was contagious. My daughter first then my son caught it. In his case it turned into pescetarianism due to his inability to countenance life without fish and chips. It seems to be turning nasty with my daughter though, even to the point of having to keep some form of orange plastic material that advertises itself as vegan cheese in the fridge. Processed vegan food seems to be mostly as bad as processed food was in the 1970s and I’m hoping that is going to put her off or at least encourage her to cook her own. Any advice welcome 🙂 Worried Dad!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Why shouldn’t I have six kids? | askyermom

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