Why did you tell us the end of the world was predicted? I couldn’t get to sleep!!

Jeez.  Even your baby sister didn’t take it that seriously. Most of you just decided to rant about how evil the Swiss are for hosting the collider tunnel, as if complaining about the Swiss ever did anyone any good.

I just said that you shouldn’t waste time on homework, because some guy said that we’d all be sucked into a sudden collider-created black hole [link updated] at around 2am.  That’s all.  It’s not my fault that you’d already finished all your homework and decided to learn about false prophecies the hard way.

Welcome to the club!!

People have been predicting the end of the world probably as long as people have been able to talk about the world.  I can remember when I was a child hearing about how we were going to overpopulate the planet so that we would all starve or be living on mung beans and algae by 1982.  In fact, this was why I did not apply myself in high school.

Somehow the problem was overstated, and people all over the world still needed their teeth to eat during the eighties.  Not only that, but I hadn’t bothered to learn Latin or how to play a clarinet.

That was only the first of many, many scares and many, many disappointing excuses.

If you ever want to silence the lunch table at school and play a cruel hoax on your friends, keep a straight face and say something like, “Nostradamus said that this date was the beginning of the century of blue smoke and ball lightning when all the remaining oxygen will drift away and things will start to get very ugly.”  You know, something like that.  You should probably make it a bit more bizarre and poetic and somehow French, though.

Once upon a time I even attended an Armageddon gathering. The world didn’t end that time either, in fact all that happened was that a bunch of drunks showed up.  If that’s a sign of the end times, then the end of the world is happening all the time, ya know, it’s five o’clock somewhere, so it’s the endtimes somewhere too.

If you really want to get your friends organized and motivated, then tack on some kind of prescription with your lunch time prophecy.  “It’s the end of the world soon so let’s put on a first class production of ‘Hello Dolly’!!”

Good luck, honey.  Never forget you are running out of time, but don’t panic.

Love,
yermom