So many of my senses are losing their edge, it seems teeny bit cruel that my best one is my sense of smell. Is it cruel because there’s a ghost potato odor in one corner of my kitchen, even after disinfecting and removing all the traces of the potato traitor? Well, that’s not great, but the real problem is the legalization of weed here.

Before the measure to legalize recreational marijuana went through, one could already get a contact high walking down my block any time of the day. I have had to close my windows on the best Spring days because too many neighbors were enjoying the weather with their spiffy spliffs.

I’m happy for them in a useless and abstract way, but the smell makes me want to insist they go apologize to a skunk.

This has caused a rediscovery of a forgotten smell project. Please report back if you have any candidates for cancelling out the smell of cannabis bliss.

[Note: The following is way up there on the derangement scale. If you don’t understand it, that’s a positive indication of your general hingedness. Congratulations!!]

I have designed a handy guide to odor cancellation, just for you!! There is disagreement if humans can smell ten things or a few million things. Twenty seems like a good number!!

Focus groups have reported that my graphic is way to confusing to be useful, so I have a chart version for anyone who is struggling with the beautiful roundness of the original chart.

So, by my shoddy methodology, aka my opinion, Fruity smells are canceled out by Cinnamon… and so on like so:

FruityCinnamon
Sour, PungentCoffee
GassyWoody
DisinfectantFloral
MintAlcohol
CilantroFire
CandyMore Candy
PopcornRubber
DecayNose Plug
DisappointmentCitrus

Linkity links:

http://science.sciencemag.org/content/343/6177/1370.full

Sandalwood is recommended to cancel out weed, but I may have to scrounge at the local essential oil tent to get some of my own to test. Sandalwood may smell like sandals, which would fit my luck right now.

At least I can forget about the potato. I bet.

Love,
yermom

When last I emailed to say that the reassuring automated emails about how important my missing kindle is (to nobody), I received a chummy automated reply which doubled down on how much they (who?) care about the way my problem is taking twenty times longer than normal to solve. I should call, but I think my vitality for such calls is stuck on the moon for the time being.

Poll Parrot Juvenile Shoes

Burn Your Sandals Before Someone Else Does, LLC

Really, only you can prevent foot ware fires. Don’t stew about it. It has been 24 hours since the last time anyone mentioned burning shoes to me. It’s fine.

$3.99

2 Replies to “Smell the Wheel”

  1. When I was young and worried about such things patchouli wa my stink of choice. It was in reality a dead giveaway but youth and oblivious were in my case synonyms.
    These days I’d say get cooking some hot sauce, I smell nothing for a couple of days after making anything with scotch bonnet peppers.

    Liked by 1 person

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