What can I do about my dry eyes?

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I’m sorry to have to welcome you to the old people club.

Like so many other body parts, your eyes will begin to forget their main job. Your eyes may become dry, just to remind you they are there, losing visual acuity and otherwise shirking their basic responsibilities.

The simplest remedy is to buy all new eye make up and spend a great deal of time applying it. You are practically guaranteed to have excess tears, especially if you wear white.

If that doesn’t work, at least you have some new mascara. You really shouldn’t keep that stuff for more than a few months anyway. The germ warfare that goes on in those tubes is not something you want to put next to your magnificent vision orbs.

When was the last time you cried? Can you cry? Are you dehydrated? Find the thing that makes you cry with laughter and do that every day for at least five minutes. And hydrate, of course. You’ll need that water to make those tears.

Are you forgetting to blink? Staring at an electronic display for hours is really hard on those eyeballs. Concentrating is great, but don’t overdo it. Take some breaks to close your eyes and think about carrots. If thinking about carrots is too much, eat some.

If you are working on paper or reading a lot, don’t discount how much lighting can make it easier on your eyes. Instead of holding the book one inch away, turn on a light, take some breaks, and think about how amazing your eyes are, turning light into information that beams directly to your brain.

Drops are helpful, but be careful. Those eye drops that you just found in the back of your drawer? Throw them out. They have been hanging out with your mascara and can’t be trusted. Find a type of drops that has no preservatives, just nice and simple eye goo. Try those for a week or two.

If none of this is helpful, see a professional eye doctor. Ophthalmologists specialize in eye health, not just the mechanics of vision. They should be able to help you figure out if you are allergic to that mascara.

It’s very aggravating, but almost always fixable, like fleas.

Sorry about all the human stuff!! If I could have birthed you a tree, I would have.


Would you like to buy yermom a glass of wine? Really cheap wine? Possibly part of a manicure?

You know she needs it and you know why!!


There are a few other ways to show support, my pumpkins!!

Waddaya think?

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