I guess there’s no denyin’ you’ll eat those dandelions. Just be sure to wash them first.

The flowers have a terrible mouthfeel, and your sister likely has a deep memory about that. Actually, I suspect that most dandelion hate comes from that same place; people tried to eat the flowers when they (the people) were babies and have disgust for the plants ever after.

this was also her pickles face

I remember my grandfather paying me a nickle for every dandelion flower that I brought him. It was probably a way to get rid of some change and wear me out, but it was great. It was the most straightforward pile of nickles I ever made.

Years later, because I failed to eradicate the plants, a neighbor came to that same piece of property to ask me if she could harvest our magnificent dandelion leaves. She raved about how healthy the weeds were in our yard. That lady was entirely earnest and unable to joke, especially about food. I said something akin to, “Knock yourself out, hungry lady.”

She cooked the greens, she told me, but never messed around with the roots, and she believed that dandelion wine was ridiculous nonsense made up by people who didn’t have access to decent wine.

She said it was a sin to poison such tasty plants, and I agreed, not anxious to debate  what level of sin that might be. My grandparents didn’t use herbicides or pesticides, mostly because it was an expensive way to tend a lawn, and I didn’t use them because I was paralyzed with worry about unintended consequences.

Really, if we had sprayed that plot with herbicides, we would have kept Hungry Lady off the grass too. That’s not very neighborly at all. We might have accidentally poisoned all types of critters that enjoy the taste of dandelions, particularly the ones that can’t recognize the way they shrivel before they die. I say might because I don’t know what exactly happens when an animal eats a dose of weed killer. It seems logical that it’s not the same to them as a yummy snack full of vitamins.

Another problem with hosing down all those stalwart taraxacum daisies, apart from the fact that they are daisies–what is more delightful?the stuff you put on your grass ends up in our water. Didn’t bother to scoop all that dog poop? Glug-glug!! Enjoy all that poop tea!! I’m exaggerating, but am I? Ultimately all that stuff ends up in a treatment plant or a bay or something where innocent creatures have to wallow in it. That’s not only rude, that’s revolting and rude.

These days, some of our neighbors are disgusted by those little yellow heads. They probably curse me when the wind picks up a cloud of seeds that I left to explode out there. I’m sorry, but I didn’t invent them. I’m not a chemist. I don’t know how to kill things without killing other things. I worry about bugs because I watched too many cartoons. Why not just come inside and watch some cartoons with me, instead of spreading tiny death out there? I have some decent wine, too.



Help buy mom a glass of wine

She needs it. You know she does.


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