How can I get rid of this burning resentment?

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First, make sure it’s resentment. My method should work with most flavors of resentment, envy or garden variety hostility. It will not help if you have an actual burning visceral problem, such as a budding ulcer or exploding vegetable tumor. Those should get checked by qualified persons, of course.

For this exercise, I’m assuming your resentment centers on an individual human, but you can expand the center to another species or larger tribes of people who annoy you. It won’t be very effective on concepts that aggravate you or on something very, very large like the sun. Your sun resentment is best addressed by arts and crafts. Write some music about that stupid sun.

viictoria 46293231330 on flickr cc

My technique has worked for me in the past, and that’s really all the evidence you need.

This technique is harmless, as long as you are in a safe physical space while you do it. Do not do it in traffic, for instance, or while juggling sharp objects or while cooking and juggling sharp objects. Always remember the mottoes: Safety First! and Avoid Cooking!

It’s important to address your resentment for people. You can’t let this slide. Even if you think you are keeping it in check and hiding it effectively, you are not. Other people can sense it on you, just like the neighbor’s dogs know precisely what you had for your midnight snack.

If you don’t address your resentment, you are letting someone else handle it for you. If they handle it for you, you are not in charge of your own problem, which is less likely to work out well for you.

So here’s what I recommend. Make yourself comfortable, really comfortable. When you are there, think about the different parts of your body and check in. If anything is itchy, scratch it and start over. Is there a disagreeable odor? If so, bathe or throw away that bag of potatoes and come back to your comfy spot to begin again. This may take awhile, but be patient.

Once you are perfectly comfortable, visualize the person who is the recipient of  your resentment. You don’t have to get the image in vivid detail, but just enough so you know it’s them. Wish them peace if  you can. If you can’t wish them peace yet, back up until you have a vague image of their family and try again. No? Neighborhood? Town? Seriously? You hate all of Pittsburgh? Try Pennsylvania, then. Pull back as far as you need to until you can wish them peace and mean it. If peace is too difficult, try some more mild positive wish, like genuinely hoping they don’t get caught in a flood of lava.

Practice this every day for thirty days, attempting to get a bit more narrow and positive with your focus each time. Your resentment will ease well before you can think of that one asshole and honestly wish them well.

If you are still stuck on the Earth level or farther, I recommend arts and crafts and exercise. Still do the technique, too, but focus the peace on yourself. You’ll get there.

Full disclosure: I may not have invented this one either, you can credit Buddha or somebody else if you want to. I’m not going to quibble with you about it.


Would you like to buy yermom a glass of wine? Really cheap wine? Possibly part of a manicure?

You know she needs it and you know why!!


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