How should I stretch?

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all kids

You should stretch like an animal, because you are made of meat. Nothing feels more discouraging than being knotty, lumpy meat.

Be strong, flexible meat!!

When you wake up, think about how cats wake up every single time out of the 85 times a day they wake up.

Blink and reach as far as possible forward. Reach your paws into enormous fan shapes and yawn as if you must collect all the air in the room. Then shake your ears vigorously side to side and try not to be too disappointed that they don’t flap against your head. Actually, skip that part. Cats are idiots.

You can create your own stretches instead of hunching over some device trying to decipher what direction the diagrams are going. Those diagrams have no idea how you feel right now. You know how you feel.

Stay still and quiet for a moment and think about what part of your body is squeaking at you. Stretch that. Be gentle, but firm. Don’t take any crap from your squeaky muscles. Take a breath and stretch just a smidgen more. Take one more breath to remind your muscles who is boss before you let it go.

Stretching shouldn’t hurt, but it may feel a bit like work while you are stretching.

If your joints hurt, try softening their position a little or tweak the angle you are working on until it’s more comfortable.

Some of the best stretches look the most foolish. Since you are still a shy young thing, find some privacy for stretching and then live it up. Don’t wait until you are a brazen old biddy, just look forward to the time when you won’t care how dumb you look, just like the cats.

Depending on what kind of activity or inactivity you are engaged in, you should try different things to see what works for you. Sometimes stretching before exercise is best, sometimes after is crucial, it’s up to you to sort that out.

Whatever you are doing or not doing, get some stretching into your day.

Really, it’s the least you can do for your muscles. If it was difficult, cats wouldn’t do it, ya know.

Waddaya think?

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