Why don’t my parents accept my sexuality?

[note: in case it is not obvious, this entry will not be G-rated.]

I feel a lot of compassion for you and for your parents on this one. They are probably nearer my age, so maybe I can help you slip into their shoes just a bit.

People have a sort of saturation point for technology, a point where they just say, “Nope–not going to learn that hoverboard,” or whatever new gadget is making the rounds. I think it’s much the same with newer mores, particularly sexual mores.

Kids in my generation did not expect their parents to even acknowledge their sex life existed, much less be supportive of their preferences or kinks. (Please understand that I do not use kinks in a pejorative sense. I just don’t know how else to refer to fetishes involving shellfish and whatnot).

I’ve had some rough moments of denial with you guys, like that time your little sister wanted to explain to me what anal beads are during a card game or when she asked what ejaculated means and your brother launched into a definition before I could interrupt quickly enough to say that I needed to not be included in the conversation.

That was a close call for my heart, but nobody was actually trying to freak me out, I bet. Here I like to think I’m really open-minded and not inclined to clutch my pearls, but yikes, I was totally clutching my pearls. I may even have screamed, just a little.

Now, when I’m feeling full of fortitude, I spend a little time reading columns in which knowledgeable folks discuss modern sexuality. I always learn things I would rather not know, but I think it’s important to understand wassup if I’m going to help you guys in your journey through polyamory, tree sex or amphibian STDs.

I’m sure there are other moms out there who do that too, but probably more of them are infinitely more comfortable assuming that everyone is engaged in whatever their idea of normal sex is.

Try to keep in mind that your parents do the best they can, and even if it’s not very good, it’s all you can really ask of them–their best effort.

You don’t need their blessing to be happy and explore your, um, happy place. They possibly don’t even have to understand whatever your thing is. Vegetable porn? Fine!! As long as no one gets hurt, you don’t have to seek acceptance from any bystanders.

It simply isn’t any of their business what gets your motor running, now is it?

Maybe the challenge is that you are feeling very ambisexual at this point or you are convinced you are gay and you want them to understand that. It shouldn’t be that difficult for them to grasp. They have to know that gay people exist and could exist in their own family.

Still, they may struggle with it, and if your leanings are more exotic, they may struggle even more.

Just be patient. Give them time. They’ll get it worked out before they learn how to operate a hoverboard, I bet.

Love,
yermom