What if I don’t feel “in love”?

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Should I worry if sometimes I don’t have in-love feelings for my special person-friend?

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Nope. Even though that may seem like a big deal, you shouldn’t worry about it.

Love is a decision and a bunch of verbs and a hunk of time. The lovey feelings are just the sprinkles on top.

If the sprinkles fall off, do not panic. You can probably get them back.

Sensations of infatuation certainly feel terribly important and can fuel all sorts of really big (and potentially very bad) decisions. Those feelings can fuel more stuff again when they go away, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

People who get into and stay into long term relationships will tell you, they don’t even always like the other person, much less maintain some kind of happily-ever-after woogly feelings all the time.

And that’s okay.

You guys are getting soaked in romantic silliness that feeds this weird idea that we can wrap ourselves up in another person–as if they were some kind of affirmation blanket–and just stay there.

It just doesn’t work that way. If you were rolled up with your blanket-buddy how would you get anything done? How would you even make sandwiches?

Totally wrapped-up romance denies both parties their humanity and their independence and their responsibility for decisions. Kind of a big deal, eh?

When you’re in love, your ovaries (or whatever gamete factory you have) may be telling you some crazy things. Your job is to decide when to listen, or not.

When you don’t feel particularly loving, all that gamete static quiets down and then you have an opportunity to evaluate if you are really in your relationship or just hanging around near it.

There may be some things you need to work on with yourself.

As for the relationship, maybe you need to move along or maybe you need to work on getting back in there and getting your sprinkles back. Take your time and think it through.

[And just in case you feel gossipy, this wasn’t a particular-person question, but a more general question from one of you. Everyone who is supposed to be currently all loved-up is, as far as I know.]

Anyhoo… Carry on feeling things and thinking about how you feel before unleashing your feely things and don’t gossip. Much.


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