Don’t get queasy, but I have a somewhat Christian thought for Christmas Eve, even if you celebrate dies natalis solis invicti instead.

People who start sentences with “people who” should attempt an adjustment. Whenever I start sentences with “people who” I intend to do this–from now on or at least for as long as I remember.

this torture courtesy of scottchene on flickr cc

Before you say “People who” try substituting “Whenever I.” That way the statement “People who stuff cats into costumes…” becomes “Whenever  I stuff cats into costumes…” and “People who get loud and obnoxious in bars…” becomes “Whenever I get loud and obnoxious in bars…”

This will give you a moment to consider that you might be inside your statement alongside those people-who before you finish the sentence with “…should be neutered” or “…should be forced to eat their own beards while bad ABBA blares on the speakers and the volume control is just out of reach.”

Saying “people who” is a way of bracketing other people as distinctly other and apart from you. It may feel better for a moment, particularly if they are being loud and obnoxious in bars and you would rather not think of them as your species, but it also keeps you from acknowledging your inner drunkard and letting it salute theirs.

Maybe I should have saved this one for New Year’s Eve.

Anyway, enjoy the unconquered sun while you can and happy yule!!


2 Replies to “A Prescription for People Who…”

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