askyermom

My birth mother is winding up her time on Earth. She is unlikely to qualify for hospice, so that means we have more than months to go, but likely not more than a few years left.

This is not a tribute, it’s just business right now. She’s medically stable, but fragile, and generally cheerful when she’s not feeling mean. It might be unseemly to be frank about an elderly parent, but it’s also unseemly to choose to mistreat a quiet child because you know they won’t complain. Maybe they should complain before fifty years pass.

There is inadequate funding for her care and she has no assets. Her income is enough for most essentials at the moment, but I am holding the bag for everything else, the copays on her medicines and other things that the insurance folks call “gaps.” You can imagine the anxiety this causes, even if you don’t have much imagination for anxiety.

She is currently rallying to get mobile again, but this requires a custom wheelchair which is not going to be covered by insurance. If she can finally get her second cataract surgery that was delayed by pandemic jazz, she will want to revive her newspaper subscription. I will be paying for her phone line if we can ever get the installation appointment. Twelve dollars here, five hundreds dollars there. Whee!!

I don’t have a non-profit set up or any way to reassure anyone that this is what I say it is. If you know me, you know I don’t fudge on the funds. It’s like a calling or a gift or a curse, depending on your perspective. I keep a clear accounting. I can’t help it. It’s what I do.

Whatever money is not used will be donated to assist families in the same bind of Mary Todd Lincoln’s curse, that spendy, spendy curse.

At the moment we are $2100 into an anticipated deficit of $7500, by that I mean other family members and I have already shelled out more than two thousand dollars for moving, ambulances and necessary bits. This does not include snacks and weird incidentals, like battery-powered lanterns and large-print reference books.

The emotional support we have already received is purely priceless. This stuff is searingly difficult and would be pure hell without the kindness and care of so many lovely people.

It might seem a little weird that I am asking for monetary support, but the expenses are sort of like adding insult to injury in this situation. That I should have to borrow money because she borrowed too much money is just upsetting. I want to continue to do the right thing, but with less upset.

If you want to do the money part, you can venmo @askyermom or..