askyermom

I’ve been working on a project for the last several months. Any time I have a free Saturday, I pretend I am retired. I approach my schedule with intense intentions, like “take a walk on a beautiful path” and “care for the animals nearby” or “meditate until the home repair tasks are meaningless.”

This has been mildly educational. Having lunch with friends requires a person to have friends, for instance. Skipping the lunch with friends generally leads to a more formless and deflating day. If I begin the day with a social morning, I generally need to recover for a little while to get back to my baseline restlessness.

I find that I have to become restless to get anything done. I can’t go from cozy to busy, it’s just not the way it ever goes. I can go from cozy to inspired, but the inspiration has to include something that requires fixing and that fixing has to require getting moving again.

Other people are not going to respect your imaginary retired days. They will keep inviting you to do things like work or things that are supposed to be fun, but are also a kind of work. The one rule of the imaginary retired day is that you set the agenda, making exceptions as needed for dog wants. I’m not going to skip walking Tofu just because I’m off the clock of being me. He is still being his waggy self.

Actually, it’s much easier to have an imaginary retired day away from home. At home you are in the midst of little tasks calling out to you, “Pick me up,” or “Cook me,” or “Why am I still on the stairs?” When you are away, few of those little tasks tag along and you can just be there. I have discovered, again, that my favorite celebration includes existing with creature comforts among my creatures.

When I took a personal retreat last year, I was disappointed to find that I could not relax in the prescribed amount of time. I had scheduled a day to arrive, a day to be there and a day to leave again. Arriving apparently takes at least two days, so by the time you are there your are already gone, leaving less than no time to simply be there.

Imaginary retired days are challenging in this way, also. You have to plan to do less and you have to do all your advance preparation for doing less before it’s time; like pedaling so you can coast. You’re not going to have a leisurely breakfast if you don’t have anything in the pantry.

The purpose of the retired day has to be more than relaxing, but relaxing is a fantastic start for those of us who either forgot or never learned how to relax without chemicals or other servants.

Deep breath.

Another deep breath.

Laundry is an illusion.

Love,
yermom

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