For those of you who have not been paying attention, January is the time for people to do three things:
- Talk about diets
- Sell diets
- Generate fascinating distractions from all things diet
I started to fall for it for a minute, before I remembered that I am technically already dieting by not guzzling large quantities of wine. So many calories have stayed in bottles in the rest of the world!! In a stupendous twist of biology, I have not lost the expected 20 pounds. In fact, when I bought a new scale, I discovered that my old scale was registering logarithmically. It showed I gained one pound, but I had actually gained ten according to the new scale. Who cares?!
I have been sober and learning to enjoy my zaftig profile when I see it by accident. No scale is going to teach us that. Maybe some kid can make an app that purrs and compliments us instead. Wouldn’t that be nice?
So yeah, I’m not going to diet or talk about diets. I’m going to dance and buy bigger pants.
Love,
yermom
The rest of the giveaway copies of UHOOB are going out!! Don’t Eat Your Children is finally, finally just about ready for the last edit. Huzzah!!
Bigger Pants, Inc.
There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s the pants.
$2.99
askyermom 
Waddaya think?